Monthly Archives: November 2010

I Smell Chicken Shit

Yeah, I smell it.  That wonderful smell of fresh chicken poo.  Come too close to me and you will get some on you!

Last week I broke down and called the doctor’s office and made a pre-op appointment for the dreaded hysterectomy.  I think I got a tad bit ahead of myself in doing so.  Don’t I already have enough problems?  Mentally, of course.  My physical problems are much less a handicap than all of the mental craziness I have succumbed to.  I think there were a few factors playing against me for the past week or so.  My wonderful pain came back abruptly about 2 weeks ago and during this whole time my doctor’s office is calling and leaving at least one message a day on my home phone “just checking in” or “seeing how you are doing”.  While they promised to not pressure me, it seems all I have felt is pressure.  I guess that tends to happen when you are a doctor jumper and they know it.  Also may have something to do with the fact that she is maybe the 10th doctor to tell me I should have one?

I’ve been researching and thinking and doing a lot of convincing myself to not go through with it.  While they claim that it’s the only way to stop the spread of Adenomyosis they also claim that Adenomyosis can not be 100% diagnosed until the uterus is removed and sent for a biopsy.  After more years and diagnosis’s then I can count, why should this one rattle me to the core?  Why should I believe this time is any different from the other times?  Should I really go through the mental, physical and financial hardship of doing something completely irreversible for a reason that is unproven?

I see myself reaching for the phone to cancel my appointment for next Wednesday…

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things…

a warm puppy nose in my ear…the movie 8 Seconds…the silence of my kids finally asleep…a cold dog nose on my hand…saving lives of homeless pets…volunteering my time for good causes…the way my 14 year-old son sometimes still hugs me on his own and acts interested in my life…the fact that my 2 youngest are brats but they are the most loving brats in the world…that when my oldest son comes across a penny tails up, he flips it over to give the next person some good luck…the fact that he remembers me teaching him that when he was little…my best friend forever, Bowser…the way Bowser runs through the house like a banshee, bouncing off of furniture and doing cutting horse spins…when everything in my life goes wrong and I see Larry and forget about it all…Larry’s beautiful, full lips…good coffee, not the Starbucks kind…whipped cream…crepes…The Bridges of Madison County and an empty house…all my autographed memorabilia that is hidden and no one really knows about…the fact that I can remember when I was once deemed “hot”…the fact that I was once “hot”…my beautiful, gorgeous boys…two failed marriages leading me to the love I had been missing…same two failed marriages giving me the blessing of my 3 fave people…giving my breakfast to the homeless man at Main Street and I-35…a few friends that I know I can count on when things get rough…burlesque…good tattoos on beautiful people…giving TMI to everyone…making people laugh until they cry…having the most confusing iPod mix ever…Lightning Crashes by Alive…the YMCA line I led through the mens bathroom at Cactus Moon…the look on the mens faces when they saw a YMCA line going through the mens bathroom…cold morning snuggled up with my warm man…big, muscled legs on a man…annoying Larry just before he falls asleep, assuring he will then be awake for at least another hour…Vin Diesel…my ninja kitty’s moves…posing my kids like they are models…making fun of Larry…loving completely, with everything I have…Pit Bulls…a good cry after a sad movie…writing…cutting crazy drivers off in traffic…the shallow, stupidity of reality television…