I Smell Chicken Shit
Yeah, I smell it. That wonderful smell of fresh chicken poo. Come too close to me and you will get some on you!
Last week I broke down and called the doctor’s office and made a pre-op appointment for the dreaded hysterectomy. I think I got a tad bit ahead of myself in doing so. Don’t I already have enough problems? Mentally, of course. My physical problems are much less a handicap than all of the mental craziness I have succumbed to. I think there were a few factors playing against me for the past week or so. My wonderful pain came back abruptly about 2 weeks ago and during this whole time my doctor’s office is calling and leaving at least one message a day on my home phone “just checking in” or “seeing how you are doing”. While they promised to not pressure me, it seems all I have felt is pressure. I guess that tends to happen when you are a doctor jumper and they know it. Also may have something to do with the fact that she is maybe the 10th doctor to tell me I should have one?
I’ve been researching and thinking and doing a lot of convincing myself to not go through with it. While they claim that it’s the only way to stop the spread of Adenomyosis they also claim that Adenomyosis can not be 100% diagnosed until the uterus is removed and sent for a biopsy. After more years and diagnosis’s then I can count, why should this one rattle me to the core? Why should I believe this time is any different from the other times? Should I really go through the mental, physical and financial hardship of doing something completely irreversible for a reason that is unproven?
I see myself reaching for the phone to cancel my appointment for next Wednesday…