What Parents Really Teach Their Kids
I’ve been pondering whether I should post this blog or not, given the fact that it’s pretty personal when it comes to my boys. The more I thought about it and with some encouragement from a Facebook post I read today, I have decided to share.
My middle munchkin is probably going to be gay, or at least I think so and he has also self-proclaimed it. People that see him and/or interact with him also have the same response. Paris told me nearly a year ago at 5 that he was gay. I previously posted a blog about it and I will have to track it down and I will repost it here. Paris has suffered countless ridicule because of how he acts, the clothes he chooses to wear or because of his actions. Add to that the fact that I named him Paris and you have a kid with problems. These problems aren’t caused by his actions or his name. They are caused by countless bullies and idiots. One of those idiots showed himself at Christmas in the form of Paris’s own father.
Paris’s dad and I have had the discussions. I’ve been told and I don’t know how many times, that I am letting Paris be gay. That I am not being “firm” enough with him. The last time his dad and I had the talk was when my youngest was in the hospital. We were sitting in the room waiting for the doctors when the subject came up. I can’t remember what brought it up, but it came up nonetheless. Paris’s dad (who I will further refer to as “Buttmunch”) told me that no son of his will be gay and that I needed to change how I was raising him. I kind of chuckled to myself and told him that Paris could be anything he wants to be (short of being a drug addict or a killer) and that I am doing by job by letting that happen. Buttmunch and his wife said that I was who was forming his mind and by me not doing anything, I was encouraging him to do wrong and accept wrong things. He then informed me that as soon as Paris is old enough that he would take him to the “titty bar” and make him get dances until he wasn’t gay. Really, he said it. I was shocked and appalled and ended the conversation immediately. I guess I figured I would cross that bridge when I came to it.
For Christmas, I added to Paris’s gay and bought him the new Justin Bieber cd. He was thrilled and bragged to everyone that would listen. Apparently, Buttmunch also was listening when Paris explained his list of “gifts from Santa”. He proceeded to forbid Paris from speaking of Justin Bieber, Spongebob and the Jonas Brothers (specifically). I found this out yesterday morning when I was getting ready in the bathroom and Paris was standing there critiquing my hair and make-up like he usually does. He just blurted out “Dad says everyone is gay and that Justin Bieber, Spongebob and the Jonas Brothers are faggots and I can’t listen to them, watch them or talk about them because I’m not a faggot.” I about fell over. My six year old son was told by his own father how he should act and treat someone that may or may not be different than what is “normal” in his fucked up mind. I sat my makeup sponge down and asked him to explain. After a detailed conversation, Paris told me that it was ok. He knew that I loved him and wouldn’t care. Paris then told me something even worse.
For Christmas, Paris got a journal. His father made him open the journal and write in it a list of who is gay. Seriously, a list of people that he could not associate with or enjoy because they were “fags”. I asked Paris if he did it and he said that he had to because dad was mad and told him about them being gay and that Paris needed reminded of it. I almost started to cry until Paris put his hand on mine and said, “It’s okay mom. I wrote it down and after dad saw it, I scribbled it out and hid my key.”
Why in the hell do kids have to live this way? The only answer that I can come up with is because of parents. We think other kids bully them but it all starts with parents. If you can teach your child acceptance, this world wouldn’t be so damn cruel. Why can’t more parents be worried about their kids health or grades then about who they are supposed to hate?
As much as I like to tell myself that Paris will end up okay because his family (Larry, me, Levi and Bristol) accept and love him, I worry about those others that may not accept him. I worry every day that people like Buttmunch could force my son into doing something terrible to himself.
And, I don’t know that it will ever change.