Monthly Archives: April 2011

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.- What it means to Kansas City

I sat awake until 3 am for no exciting reason but for the simple fact that my brain wouldn’t shut down.  It wasn’t because I had a crappy day or because I had explosive diarrhea, it was because of something completely out of my control that didn’t even really concern me.  At least, not at this particular moment.  But in the end when it all comes back around, it will effect something that I care about very much.  Kansas City’s homeless pets.

For the past few months I have watched the banter among former friends and lasting enemies.  People have spewed hatred at one another and they have continued to place blame everywhere but where it belongs.  The situation that we are involved in is not one person’s fault.  We are ALL responsible and we can ALL try and fix that but damnit, we have to at least be civil to each other.  This crap is way out of hand and I am starting to get embarrassed for everyone involved.  Do you know how bad things have to be for ME to feel embarrassed?  I am the world’s biggest child when it comes to almost everything.  I say inappropriate things, I laugh uncontrollably at farts, I play practical jokes and I can’t hear the word penis without smirking.  I jump on the bed, I chase my dog through the house, I trained my kitten to attack using a common hand signal and my children have nicknames such as “Turtle Man”, “Pooper” and “Turdburglar”.  If you were to look up “childlike behavior” on Wikapedia there most certainly should be a picture of me picking my nose and wiping it under my car seat.  I take things too far but I would never turn myself into someone that would try and publicly humiliate someone by claiming to know more about a situation than I do, by airing one’s personal and private trials and tribulations or by trying to make people choose sides in an argument that shouldn’t even be happening.  Is this why we all have Facebook?  So we can treat each other like shit?  So we can try and pick apart each other like vultures and make the other vultures circle in hunger?  So we can point and laugh at the slow kid that just doesn’t get it?  Or how about we throw virtual spitwads at the kid that doesn’t fit in with us because we are way too cool.

This is bullying people!  Grade school, high school bullying.  Grow the hell up.  We are on the same side, essentially.  We want the world to be a better place and we want less animals to overpopulate and roam our cities.  We want pets to have homes and love and we are all trying to do what we think is the right thing.  What I think is good for the situation may not be what you feel is best but I am entitled to an opinion and I should be allowed to voice it.  I am not asking you to agree with me but I do hope that you would respect me and not treat me like crap because of my feelings.  I shouldn’t live in fear because of you and I shouldn’t become afraid to be just what we are all supposed to be, an individual.

Everyone should drink a huge glass of “Shut the Hell Up” and get over yourself.  My 5 and 6 year old sons know that you lead by example and always remember to “Be respectful, be responsible and do your personal best.”.  They also know that if they are in trouble and I am yelling at them, it’s best to squeeze out a toot or say “wiener” and I won’t be able to stay mad.  So, if you see me posting “wiener” on Facebook, you’ll know why.

This is a time for us to pull together and focus on individual and group strengths and weaknesses, utilize our strengths and do not prey on the weakness of others.  Where one is weak there are those that are strong, we just need to refocus all of this negative energy into the positive that we each have in us.  Together, we can all save so many lives.  We really can, I just know it.


Death Sentences

The dogs listed are basically sentenced to death at Kansas City’s Animal Shelter aka Halfway Home Pet Adoptions.  While they are not scheduled to be euthanized, the chances that they will survive after the transition of management on May 1st are very slim.  These dogs have been labeled “problems” due to one thing or another.  Please share this page with your friends and with animal rescue organizations.  Also, I encourage all of you to visit the Halfway Home Pet Adoptions page at and make monetary donations at in care of Friends of Halfway Home.

These dogs are ALL out of time.  Please hold yourself and your fellow citizens accountable for their loss and do all you can to save them.

Once Upon a Time There Was an Irresponsible Idiot

The cutest kitten picture EVER! Oreo on day #2. I thought putting her in a plant outside at work would help her poop. Not happening.

Once upon a time there was a chubby, somewhat intelligent girl.  The girl considered herself to be a compassionate animal person who cared about and loved animals of all kinds and worried about their welfare.  One day, the girl had the sudden thought that she should buy her 5 month old kitten a collar.  The idiotic girl chose not to because the kitty was so little and was kept inside at all times.  She thought it could wait.

2 days later the girl received a call from her oldest son.  Her son told her that someone had got into the house and all of the doors to the house were open and the precious kitty was gone.  The dumb girl left work, ran to her car and sped home with tears streaming her face.  An hour after it was first known that the kitty was gone, the precocious furball was found and returned to her place in the home of her irresponsible pet owner.

The moral of this story… even the best of us make stupid mistakes.  Just because your pet is kept inside at all times, it doesn’t mean that the unexpected won’t happen and they will get outside in the cruel world.  Just because you consider yourself smarter than most when it comes to animal rearing, because you spay and neuter your pets and because you are made of awesomeness, it does NOT stop life from happening.  Shit happens (more often to me).  Stop procrastinating and making excuses about why you don’t need to do something and convince yourself of why you do.

I’m sorry, Oreo.  I’m sorry you got outside and were scared to death, I’m sorry I was irresponsible, I’m sorry that daddy took the bell off of your new hot pink collar and I am REALLY sorry that I can’t stop laughing at you when you look like you have Tourette’s because you are trying so hard to get the collar and tag off.  I am also sorry that I got completely pissed off that the new collar wouldn’t stay on and I super-glued it together but got a wad of your hair glued in it.  Don’t guess you will be getting it off now, Houdini.

Man, I wish she was as innocent as she looks in this picture. I should have known when I bottle fed her and she attacked the bottle that she was going to be hell on legs.

Bowser and Oreo early on. Look how little she was!

Bowser and Oreo hanging out on Bowser's couch. Yes, he has his own couch.

Important Upcoming Event!

I was asked by three good friends to be a part of something amazing that they are doing to benefit pets.  My friends Mike Rhodes and Kris & Michelle Lana started a non-profit charity to benefit disabled pets.  Often times, injured and diseased pets are put to sleep because owners either don’t care or they just don’t have the money to help.  Thankfully, Disabled Furry Friends saw the need and set out to fill it. Mike, Kris & Michelle place animals at the top of their list and it’s shown in every fundraiser and other thing that they do.  When I called them at Christmas-time with news of a homeless man and his dog that needed help, they were the first to step in and provide the needed items to make sure that James and Baxter were warm and fed.

On April 30th, Disabled Furry Friends will host their 2nd Annual “Metal for Mutts” at Aftershock Bar & Grill in Shawnee, Kansas.  All proceeds will be used for disabled pets across the region and there will be a 50/50 raffle and silent auction.  If that’s not enough to draw you in, I will be there supporting my friends and helping spread the word about Kansas City’s homeless pets.  I’ll have a booth with binders from various local shelters with photos and bio’s on some needful furry ones!  Please make sure that you come out and support the “forgotten” ones.

If you would like more information on Disabled Furry Friends, I recommend that you check out their website at  You should also “Like” them on Facebook at  If you do, me love you long time.  Okay, not in the Full Metal Jacket sort of way…


Also, two of my very best friends will be there on the 30th donating their time and talent to the cause.  Please make sure you stick around til 10:15 to see my pals Matt & Molly Wilburn in Forever Greye.  Molly is one hot mama with a set of pipes on her to compete with Amy Lee.  You can follow Forever Greye on Facebook at and online at

Forever Greye

Signs That You May Be In Animal Rescue

  1. If you have at any point had in your possession more than 20 dogs.
  2. If you have kept 19 of the dogs that you “rescued”.
  3. If all of your pets have ghastly stories where you are the hero.
  4. If your dog’s house is cleaner than yours.
  5. If your Facebook is overrun with posts about dogs and cats that need homes.
  6. If you coerce, threaten, bribe and blackmail friends and family into adopting or fostering.
  7. If you see a dog standing in a front yard and you have the sudden urge to run and grab him because you think he is lost and should be supervised.
  8. If you can’t bring yourself to take a dog to a pound or shelter, no matter the costs.
  9. If you refuse to learn names of animal shelter residents, just so you don’t become too attached and try to bring them home.
  10. If on more then one occasion you have taken a huge purse with you on your volunteer days and thought about smuggling dogs out of the shelter.
  11. If while on walks with shelter dogs you sometimes think of faking a seizure so that one critical dog could run far, far away.
  12. If you’ve ever slid down a hill from stepping in dog poop.
  13. If you’ve ever had raw and scarred wrists from leashes wrapped around them.
  14. If you’ve ever had a shoulder dislocated by a Mastiff.
  15. If the trunk of your car holds a collapsible cage, a leash and pet food bags.
  16. If you would wreck your car to avoid hitting a frog.
  17. If you shed a tear after passing roadkill.
  18. If the cats at the shelter crowd around because you smell fishy from lack of time to shower properly.
  19. If your pet makes it to the high priced groomer but you cut your own hair by holding your head upside down in the bathroom sink.
  20. If your email account has ever maxed out or reached it’s limit.
  21. If you can not hear Sarah McLachlan without crying and picturing faces behind bars.
  22. If you laugh when your dog farts but throw a couch pillow at your significant other when they do it.
  23. If you have more photos of your dogs than you do of yourself.
  24. If you’ve ever named a pet after a person you know, simply because you have run out of other names.
  25. If your dog or cat has their own piece of furniture in the house.  Bonus points if they have claimed two.
  26. If you’ve never bothered to buy a dog bed for your dog because they shouldn’t have to sleep in one when you have a perfectly good bed.
  27. If your dog or cat has enough name tags and collars that they could change them to coordinate with the days.
  28. If you know what the Rainbow Bridge is.
  29. If you coordinate your home furnishings with your pet’s hair color.
  30. If you’ve ever purchased dog treats in bulk.
  31. If you’ve ever attempted to make homemade chicken jerky for the shelter pets because you want them to have a home cooked meal.
  32. If you’ve ever epically failed at making dog treats and had to throw away the ones that you made and buy some from the store.
  33. If your wallet is empty but your heart is full.
  34. If when purchasing a vehicle you do not consider MPG, price or family size but you are interested in the kennel/crate to space ratio.
  35. If you’ve ever driven on a highway with a death row dog on your shoulder like a parrot.
  36. If you have sat through 35 previous reasons why you may be in animal rescue.
  37. If you are still reading and recognize more then 36 of these signs as one of your ailments.
  38. If at this point you make a frowny face and you Google your nearest psychiatrist.