My Best Friend
My best friend is pretty special and he’s way cooler than your best friend.
My best friend leaves muddy paw prints through my house and permanent paw prints on my heart.
My best friend is hard of hearing when I yell at him but he can hear a cheese wrapper open in the next town.
My best friend passes no judgment on me when I’m at my worst, even though he knows I judge him every time he eats cat poop.
My best friend always forgives me even though I’m not so quick to forgive his love of used tampons.
My best friend showers me with kisses… after he’s been licking his butt.
My best friend destroys many of the possessions that I own but he replaces them with the best repayment of all… love.
My best friend never smells good, especially after a rainy day.
My best friend shares my love of the old sitcom Alf and he proves it by being in character and trying to eat cats.
My best friend always tries to play with me, even when he doesn’t feel his best.
My best friend never hesitates to sing along to whatever I am singing to.
My best friend never leaves me hanging when I try to give him a hi-five.
My best friend is eager to meet my friends and he shows it by sniffing their crotch and then offering to shake their hand.
My best friend loves the taste of trash.
My best friend never growls, even when I dress him up like a devil for Halloween or when I put a hair tie on his ears and call him “Onion head”.
My best friend listens to everything that I say and then he goes and finds something else to do.
My best friend licks away all of my tears. Who needs a Kleenex when you have a great buddy like that?
My best friend leaves skid marks on the carpet but surely it’s only because he knows the carpet is brown.
My best friend has the worst breath imaginable. But who could have good breath after eating all the trash, tampons, cat poop and doggie ass?
My best friend is scared of snowmen.
My best friend expects a treat when he comes back inside from going to the bathroom. It teaches me a life’s lesson. Out with the old, in with the new!
My best friend is 80 pounds (75 on a skinny day) of pure sexy.
My best friend proves all of your stereotypes about Pitbulls wrong.
My best friend can only sleep on a pillow because the floor just isn’t good enough.
My best friend gives me more joy than a million dollars could ever buy.
My best friend knows how to melt my heart… and then make me hand over my Skittles.
My best friend’s favorite flavor is red. Red Twizzler’s, red Skittles, red gummy bears, red suckers. RED
My best friend makes me laugh even when all the world around me says that I should cry.
My best friend helped me raise 3 children. He also helped me mourn the loss of three babies that never made it here to meet him.
My best friend is the best brother ever, even if it is to 3 humans.
My best friend doesn’t have to update his Facebook status for me to pay attention to him.
My best friend could never cut his hair without me noticing because if he did, I would be like “WTF, how did you cut your hair?”
My best friend is the best “best friend” I could ever ask for and he’s my DOG.