KC vs. DC (Part 1)
Posted by I Say Things So You Don't Have To
Wikipedia says that jet lag is: a physiological condition which results from alterations to the body’s circadian rhythms resulting from rapid long-distance transmeridian (east–west or west–east) travel on a (typically jet) aircraft. Well, Wiki, I believe you can “suck it”. I disagree! It doesn’t take a trip from coast to coast to be exhausted. Just stick three kids on a plane anywhere and everyone on it will have jet lag and an urge to smack someone. (disclaimer: this is where I say, “I do not condone violence.” blah blah blah) Forget snakes on a plane, my biggest fear is KIDS ON A PLANE!
When I found out that I would be traveling to Richmond, VA for a work-related conference, I had the brilliant idea to include my family in on the trip. I can tell you now that there is not enough Xanax in the world to prepare you for the combination of three kids, their first flights, east coast traffic and no escape from the little spawns of the devil (wait, that makes me the devil). I love my kids to the moon and back, everyone knows that. But damn if they don’t make me want to yank every hair from my head sometimes. <——— possibly the under-statement of the year. My kids are ADD, ADHD and many other acronyms for “crazy ass kids”.
A few months ago, I secured our flights, rental car and hotels. I guess I didn’t take into consideration how much everything costs nowadays. For the cost of those three things and the short-lived happiness of a vacation, I could have had the breast augmentation I’ve always dreamed of and a life full of joy. Missed that chance. Again. I should have had it years ago with my EIC (earned income credit) from the IRS. Because THAT’S a good use of a credit for making children. They are who ruined them in the first place. Breast feeding three kids sure “sucks” the life out of your boobs. Okay, I got off track… Redirecting myself now…
We had months to prepare everything in our life for the trip. There was money that needed saving, arrangements for the dog’s boarding, packing, etc. A week before the trip I called the schools to let them know the boys would be out and that they would need to pick up their homework so they could take it with them to be completed on the trip. Of course, the smart-ass of the house tried to get his teacher to feel sorry for him by telling her that the plane was going to crash on his way home and that he really didn’t think that he should spend the last days of his life doing homework that he wouldn’t be able to turn in anyway. Those of you close to me have a pretty good idea which kid said this. Of the three, he’s the one most like me. Sometimes it can be a good thing but much of the time, watch out world!
*** Stay tuned for Part #2, coming 3/28/13 ***