So, you want to find a new home for your dog?

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Working in animal rescue, every day of my life I hear a billion reasons why someone wants to re-home their animal and I have at least 2 people A DAY that ask me to help them find a home for their pet.  It got me to thinking… how would my own dog stack up with these homeless mutts?  And so, here are the top reasons I’ve heard for re-homing a pet and what I have went through with my very own pooch of 13 years.

1. I had a new baby.

You had a new baby?  Let’s hope it’s more forgiving, patient and understanding than you are!  Okay, that was mean.  Let me rephrase that.  I’m glad you had a child.  Do you know how much joy a pet can bring to your kids life?  Did you know that children who are raised in homes with pets actually have less allergies?  Sadly, once someone contacts me I really can’t talk them out of finding their pet a new place to live.  If you had any idea how many pets are homeless for this one reason, maybe you would think things over.

Bowser’s story:

When Bowser came into my life, I had a toddler.  While Bowz was great with him, I did wonder how things would be when I brought a new little person into the house.  It wasn’t different because I had a Pit Bull, it was just different because I was bringing an attention-sucking monster in to our home.  It had just been Bowser and Levi for 8 years and I did worry, don’t get me wrong.  By being cautious and extremely careful once little Paris came home from the hospital, I felt better about the situation.  By making myself more knowledgeable and by not setting Bowser up to fail, I gave him time to adjust.  I remember the very first moment when everything relaxed completely.  Paris was a few months old and he was sitting in the middle of the living room floor in his ExerSaucer, bouncing around and playing with his little plastic keys.  I saw Paris jump and knock his keys off on the floor and he started to cry.  Before I could even react, Bowser was there, leaning down to pick up the keys.  He put them in his mouth, looked over at Paris and then gently laid them on the top of the ExerSaucer and walked away.  It was in those few seconds that I learned that my kids had an angel on Earth who walked on four legs and who smelled horrible after a rain storm.

2. My dog goes to the bathroom in the house.

Uh huh, and so do you, right?

Bowser’s story:

While Bowser hasn’t ever been one to have accidents in the house, on the few times that he has, they’ve been doozies.  One day, Bowser got into the trash and dug out a ziplock baggie full of pulled Pork.  Since no one was home to let him out, Bowser went into the kitchen by the patio door and he proceeded to make a huge, runny pile of doodie right there.  Smelly diarrhea is bad enough but how about you add the BIG factor here… the dog just happened to poo directly into the vent, which was cranked up on heat.  Add a few hours and I’m sure you can imagine what my house smelled like when I got home.  Not only did I have to deal with the smell but I also had to reach my arm down into the vent and pull everything out of it.  Have you ever washed crap out of a vent?

3. My dog won’t stay in the backyard, he always runs away.

Dogs are smart and if they know they have a moron for an owner, they will continue to run away.

Bowser’s story:

His mom was a moron.  That damn dog ran away for the first 12 years of his life.  The last time he ran away was on the night of my birthday party two years ago.  No matter what I did, Bowser would get out and roam the neighborhood.  Fences, tie-outs, supervision, none of it really mattered.  Harry Houdini was reincarnated in the form of a mangy brown dog named Bowser.  The worst Bowser runaway happened after I had Bristol in 2005.  We were living in Oklahoma and because Bristol was in intensive care, I refused to leave his side.  I had friends taking care of Bowser but while I was gone, Bowser decided to run away.  My mom found him incarcerated at the city pound where the caretaker’s were scared to death of him.  I guess it was that whole “Pit Bull” thing.  Maybe even more ridiculous was the fact that I was as worried about my stupid four-legged kid as I was about my little human child.

4. I have to move.

Are you moving to Alaska or just down the street?

Bowser’s story:

Since I’ve had Bowser, I’ve lived in 5 different places in 2 different states.  Bowser has lived in both Oklahoma and Missouri.  During all of these times, I’ve never once thought about leaving him behind.  The reason?  No matter where I go, it would never be “home” without my Buckaroonie.  With him, my family and my life are complete.  Of course it would have been easy to find him a home but then, where would I have been without him?

5. I’m getting a divorce.

Really?  Good for you!!  Spouses are the devil!

Bowser’s story:

Bowser and I went through a divorce and thankfully, I got custody.  It’s a good thing because had I lost this dog, it would have definitely been my demise!  I’d be writing this blog from my prison cell while doing time for killing my ex.  Sure, divorces suck and your finances take a big hit.  But, why would any girl in her right mind part ways with the one male who always has time to cuddle, who always leaves the toilet seat down and who willingly listens to her bitch and moan and never complains?  Sure, his farts can clear a room but at least he can’t say, “Oh, the dog did it.” or “Pull my finger.”.

6. My dog tears up the furniture.

Good, consider him your interior decorator because your couch was sooo last season anyway.

Bowser’s story:

I cannot count the number of throw pillows that this dog has destroyed in his lifetime.  Within a month of buying our new couch a few years ago, Bowser ripped a 6-inch gash in the seat cushion.  Because I’m too lazy and cheap to fix it, I throw a torn (thanks, Bowser) couch pillow over the hole.  His greatest achievements in mischievousness?  He once jumped through a closed window and survived.  Yes, completely through it.  That was a fun thing to come home to.  But, the one moment that always come to mind is the time that my friend Chad babysat Bowser while Larry and I were out-of-town for a race.  Before we left, I told Chad to make sure that he didn’t leave Bowser alone because he had really bad separation anxiety and he was a wee bit nuts.  I told my friend about Bowser’s psychotic days (to be described later).  When Larry and I got home the next morning, we went to our bedroom to go to bed but the door wouldn’t open.  Once we finally got the door open, we found that in our absence, Bowser ate the door frame, chewed a large hole in the carpet, he ate our blanket and sheets, he ripped open our down-filled pillows so feathers floated around the room, he chewed a hole through our mattress and the little bastard even climbed in our closet and ripped clothes off of the hangers.  Yup, so your dog leaves hair on the couch… I’ll trade ya!  My friend’s face was priceless when I got to say, “I told you so!”.

7. My dog is aggressive towards other dogs.

Aggressive?  Like how?

Bowser’s story:

While Bowser initially had other dogs around and in his life, as he aged he became an “only child”.  Sadly, “only child” syndrome actually turned to “the dog is freakin’ nuts” syndrome.  As Bowser ages, he gets more and more nasty.  He will actually go out of his way to piss on the neighbor’s dogs when they walk up to the fence.  One day, he gave the neighbor’s white Pomeranian a golden shower while she watched in disgust.  After that, I didn’t really have to worry about the neighbor’s kid playing with my kids.  Lol.  Bowser had his worst moment of real aggression when we were at Larry’s parents shop.  We didn’t know that Max (Larry’s English Mastiff brother) was there.  Bowser saw him and attacked.  To this day, Larry still points out the scar that he has from breaking up that dog fight.  I’m sure you can imagine what a fight would be like between a scroungy Pittie and a 200-pound (or close to it) Mastiff.  That dog-fight still has Max and Bowser all riled up when they smell the other one on our clothes.  And hey, it’s only been like 4 years!

8. My dog acts weird.

As weird as you?

Bowser’s story:

There is no limit to the weirdness of this dog.  For those of you who don’t know, I found Bowser at a truck stop after I had recently lost a baby.  Because of that profound loss, Bowser became my baby.  I carried him around, he went everywhere I went, we shared suckers and ice cream cones and he lived “the life”.  Unfortunately, I also made him batshit crazy.  He had horrendous separation anxiety (I mean, he did jump through a CLOSED window) and he ate weird things.  One Christmas, he ate all the glass balls off of the bottom of the Christmas tree.  I woke up one morning and they were gone.  After a trip to the vet, I knew for sure that my dog was smuggling them in his belly.  Surprisingly, he lived through that, unscathed.  After a few incidents of “batshit crazy”, I went to the vet and I asked him for help.  That old Oklahoman said, “That dog is beyond help.  You’d be doing him a great favor by putting him to sleep.”.  I asked him what I could do besides that and he wrote me a prescription for Prozac.  For 3 years of his life, Bowser popped Prozac like they were tic-tacs.

9. My dog throws up everywhere.

Stop forcing him to watch Project Runway!

Bowser’s story:

You have no idea what puke “everywhere” is until you’ve lived with my dog.  If you’ve made it through the blog to this question, you already know that my dog does a lot of things that he shouldn’t.  He ate glass Christmas ornaments!!  But, he also ate everything else that wasn’t nailed down.  After another trip to the vet, Bowser was put on a medication that the astronauts use in space for nausea.  I don’t remember the name of it now because it was like 10 years ago but I do remember that it wasn’t cheap, at all.  When your dog barfs enough that he’s on spaceman meds, come whine to me then.

10. My dog gets into the trash.

What dog doesn’t?

Bowser’s story:

Some dogs like bones, meat, carrots and treats.  My dog likes paper plates, McDonald’s wrappers and tampons.  As Bowser has aged, this phenomenon has become out of control.  What once rarely ever happened, is now an everyday occurrence.  If I don’t go all “white trash” and put my trash can on the kitchen counter before I leave for work, the dog will have the can over before I can pull out of the driveway.  If I don’t remember to shut the bathroom door, I get to come home to my teenage son’s look of complete disgust over the sight of a mostly eaten tampon laying in the living room floor.  (try explaining that one to your 8-year-old son)  My dog is the “john” and our trash is the cheap whore that taunts, tempts and teases him.  He doesn’t want to be bad but give him the right opportunity to screw up and he will.  Just like a male.

11. My dog is sick and I can’t afford the medical bills.

There’s something called “resources“, check them out!  For more info, check out the tab Animal Rescue/Pet Related Info at the top of my blog.

Bowser’s story:

Vet bills suck, no question.  But don’t we owe it to our pals to help them?  I can think of a ton of times in Bowser’s life where vet expenses got to be too much.  In his lifetime thus far, he’s had prolonged prescriptions for Prozac and nausea medication, he nearly died from pneumonia after a boarding stay while I was on vacation, he had a testicle burst and he had emergency surgery for testicular cancer, his bladder filled with stones so bad once that they had to go in and actually take his bladder out and scrape it and now, Bowser has cancer and some other “unknown” medical condition.  Since March, I’ve spent a few thousand dollars on vet exams, x-rays, prescriptions and over-the-counter meds.  Since March!  It’s a huge burden and financially it’s excruciating but I owe this dog a debt that could never be repaid.  The least I can do is try to save his life, like he’s saved mine.  The important thing for you to know is that there are resources out there to help you in your pets time of need.  If you’re in the Kansas City area, check out the Animal Rescue tab at the top of my blog.

12. I got a new dog and my old dog doesn’t get along with it.

Yes, this is actually a common excuse.

Bowser’s story:

Don’t get a new dog.  I learned this myself a few years ago when I was fostering a Pit bull puppy.  Bowser is an only child and he doesn’t want to share his toys or couch with a “dog”.  So, I won’t make him!  He was here first.

13. My dog won’t stay out of the litter box.

All dogs eat cat poop.

Bowser’s story:

I can sum this one up really quickly.  If you think that your dog’s appetite for kitty bi-product is horrendous, imagine being me.  One day, I saw Bowser getting into the cat litter box.  When I got onto him, he tried to yank his head out of the box but the lid caught on the top of his head.  When Bowser lifted up, the top came off the box and it fell to the floor.  Never one to disappoint, Bowser didn’t end the embarrassment for himself there.  He then looked up at me with a grin and that’s when I noticed the piece of cat poop lodged in the gap where he was missing a bottom tooth.  When your dog smiles at you with turd dentures, you can talk to me about the terror of poop eating dogs.

13 reasons, I had 13 reasons to re-home Bowser and you know what?  None of them are legitimate enough for me.  Over the course of 13 years together, I can easily think of 13 things that I hear all the time that definitely pertain to my dog.  Yet, still I go home every night and open my door to find a couch covered in dog hair, torn couch cushions on the floor, clumps of toy stuffing all over the place and once a month, a stray tampon here and there.  If it weren’t for those little things, my life would be so boring.  Yes, dogs can be a huge pain in the ass but the thought of life without them is just too painful to bear.

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Dogs… can be a pain in the ass!

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Posted on May 2, 2013, in Posts and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Tyra Alldaffer

    O.M.G!! I love this one!!

  2. I never really understood the re homing thing.Threw thick and thin my dogs stayed with me. They never went without even when times were tough. I have had landlords say I could have a dog to then change their mind so I would say fine I’ll be leaving in 30 days. Much easier emotionally to get rid of the apartment that someone else owns than to get rid of my family member. I never had a problem with my dog with my premature baby. As a matter of fact she saved our lives when my kitchen caught on fire while I fell asleep warming a bottle. I guess some people have true feelings and a lot of people are truly empty inside.

  3. Im rescuing a puppy this weekend from Arkansas. her and her brother were thrown into the street when they were just weeks old somehow they survived until someone brought them to the shelter. after ten months of living on the streets. No one came to claim them so the shelter was going to euthanize. I just couldnt let that happen. Both dogs have found loving homes and I can not wait to meet my new furever friend. She is a lab mix with some pitbull in her but it doesnt matter what breed she is to me ALL dogs deserve a loving caring home. to those of you who can just throw away a pet because they dont fit into your plans at the time I wonder what happens when your children dont fit into your plans? Because pets are just like children and it makes me wonder what kind of a human being they really are….

  4. OMG! And I thought I had one of the worst dogs but she’s an amateur compared to yours. I could’t agree more on your thoughts about finding a home for your pet when something isn’t right. Anybody that hasn’t thought out the process doesn’t even deserve an animal. I guarantee that my bonds (and responsibilities) are stronger with my animals than some of my family. All those excuses are nothing more than that……….excuses. If you adopt a pet, you deal with every issue that comes up. Somehow we have all found a way and it hasn’t always been easy. I can’t imagine ever giving one away for behavior issues.

  5. I love your dogs anticts reminds me of my babies. My last pair of rescues were a great dane doberman mix and a cocker spaniel. Max was the Dane mix and that boy ate a queen sized mattress pad, metal blinds, chocolate, advil, (he only ate the advil once that boy was so sick after that), and a long list of other things. He once ate so much cat poop he puked a large poop log. still the grossest thing I have ever seen. He was also dog aggressive towards other dogs. the both passed a way years ago but I miss them both. I currently have 3 mutts 2 pit mixes and a chow mix. My Dozer is an antagonist, fence jumping, one dog destruction crew. I have to crate him otherwise the house would be down to the studs. Love him though no way is he going anywhere else.

    I don’t understand the rehoming for those reasons.

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