Let the Tears Flow
by: Nichole White
One by one the stars are aligning,
To guide you safely to the rainbow bridge
Where your friends from the past
Will be there to greet you with bittersweet joy
Your legs and eyes will be like new,
Pain and injury free
You’ll gallop through the fields
With the wind whipping through your mane
Just as you always loved to do.
Life with you is the only life I know
It’ll be hard without you
Some days it might feel impossible
But please don’t worry about me
I’ll be okay in time.
You taught me how to be strong
You taught me how to live, love and be loved
You taught me how to trust
And most important,
you taught me how to keep pushing on
You’ve touched the lives of many
And been loved by more
You’ve always been a fighter
Never giving up even when you’re in pain
I think you’d live forever if possible
You’re a horse who will always be remembered and never be forgotten.
I want to thank you for everything
For all the hugs and kisses
All the smiles and laughs
All the times you let me bury my face in your mane while I cried
For all the smiles and happiness you’ve brought to others
All the lessons learned
And Ribbons won
All the memories made, good, bad and different
But most of all for loving me unconditionally.
I’ll see you again
This isn’t goodbye forever, just goodbye for now
More like a see you later.
I know you’ll be watching over me…
Watching over all of us
I know you’ll find a way to let me know you’re there
You’ll be my rainbow at the end of every storm.
One by one the stars are aligning
To guide you safely to the rainbow bridge
The time has come for you to finally get your wings and fly.
And your unicorn horn too… Both hot pink of course.
I love you with all my heart and then some.
I’ll never stop loving you.
Until I see you again,
Run free, fly high and love whole hearted.
17 years is a long time. For a 24-year-old, it’s forever. For as much of her life as she can remember, Nichole White was owned by a beautiful grey Arabian mare named Erin. Of course, someone is going to say, “Hey, people own horses, NOT the other way around.”. For that I give a resounding, “Uh uh!”. The minute you meet the right horse, you become defenseless to their awesomeness.
On October 18th, Nicole and her mom Kathy had to say “good-bye” to the horse that taught them nearly everything they needed to know. Erin schooled the pair on life, dedication and grace. They learned to stand strong and fight, to be courageous and most of all, they learned about love. There is no greater love than that which an animal gives so freely, so completely. We could all learn so much from our pets.
Unfortunately, our beloved animals don’t stay on Earth as long as we do. I believe it’s because they were already born perfect. Pets are sent here to teach us what we need to know and then just as quickly as they appear, they are gone. But never without leaving a lasting impression on our lives forever.
I came to know Kathy after Knight came back into my life. Kathy stumbled onto my blog and when she read of Knight’s story, she reached out to me to thank me for sharing something so personal. When I wrote those blogs, it wasn’t about sharing Knight’s story, it was about me getting my feelings out.
Kathy explained to me how the health of her mare was deteriorating and how difficult and painful it was for Erin’s everyday life. The family had tried everything but to no avail. It had come time to make the very excruciating decision to let Erin flutter peacefully to the Rainbow Bridge, rather than to let her suffer. In a Facebook post meant for Erin,
You have been with us since 1996. You are 27 years old. People call you the million $ pony, because of all the vet and medical bills. You are the keeper of secrets, your neck has had more tears hugged on it than can be counted. You have been the glue that held us together. You are the reason so many kids didn’t take that path, but choose the trails instead. you have been hope, a teacher, a dream come true. You have 3 flat tires & no spare. How many nights did we sleep in the barn with you thinking it was your last ? How many injuries did you beat the odds come back stronger than ever? How many times did Dana Pantano, DVM have that talk with us? Then shake her head in disbelief, big smile and say clear! Go! Your heart brought you back. You have a heart the size of a draft horse. Now I need one more favor. I need you to tell me if its time for you to get your wings and become a unicorn. -Kathy Randall
After Kathy and Nichole gained their strength, a promise was made to Erin.
I will not let you leave this world hurt or sick or ugly. I will not have your last memories of your beautiful life be a bloody, scary, painful. Your last thoughts should reflect this world that loves you & you loved. Groomed class A show perfect, You will enter & exit as you did each show ring. To shine so brightly,your own light to see your wings. Go girl, you’ve earned them. I’ll hold the gate. -Kathy Randall
As you read this, a pink unicorn looks down from the heavens. Her wings are relaxed as she watches intently over a special place in Massachusetts. The unicorn bows her head and her wings expand, releasing purple, yellow, blue and pink glitter from them. The glitter gently falls from the clouds and forms a protective rainbow over the place where the unicorn left her heart. The unicorn isn’t worried though, she left her heart there on purpose. She knows that some day, long from now, it will be returned when she’s reunited with her family. The beautiful pink unicorn lifts her head high, her wings spread wide and she begins to fly towards a handsome black stallion. Together, the two fly high above the sky, watching over the girls that they made into women.
Today is December 1st, 2011. Beginning of a new month, a day that I am always excited for because it means my Shoe Dazzle and Just Fab showroom’s are ready. Yeah, I’m just shallow enough to love shoes so much that they make one day in my life way better than the others. Excited for the day, I woke up and made it to work only for 8:20 to roll around and ruin any chance of recovering my joy.
At 8:20 this morning, a good friend and fellow animal rescue worker, called me to tell me that a dog I was trying desperately to save, succumbed to injuries sustained during a car accident. In that instant I was moved by such a strong emotion of sadness and disappointment in myself. I listened to my friend tell me what happened and I could only mutter, “Uh-huh”. After the conversation ended, I quietly got up and shut the door to my office, sat down in my chair and was overtaken by grief. My entire body shook violently as I could no longer fight the stress and anxiety that I had felt since Saturday, when I first heard of this poor dog’s story. I was a failure.
It’s been hours since I blamed myself for the suffering and death of a little furball with no voice. I’ve heard countless people tell me that I shouldn’t feel to blame, but I still do. She had no voice with which to scream out, “I am in pain, please help me.” or “I’m tired, please let me go.” I should have thought things through better. I should have made the decision that I couldn’t save the world, not this time. Why didn’t I?
In the back of my mind and resting at the bottom of my heart lies the answers to my own question. I can’t. I can’t ever give up on something, whether that be a person, an idea or a helpless animal. My heart tells me that it is hurting right now and my mind tells me that it’s okay to feel such pain. Together, my heart and mind scream to me why I am the way that I am and they tell me of all the good things that can come from never losing faith in something.
I am an animal rescuer. I have a kind heart and a gentle soul. I will fight until the very end for what I believe and I will never give up, even when faced with failure. I will show failure my “crazy eye” stare and I will do all that I can to destroy it. Sometimes, I will fail. Sometimes, small pieces of my heart will break off and go with the soul of the ones that I can not save. Thankfully, the ones that I can save offer me pieces of their own hearts, which allow me to repair all of my brokenness. It is for this reason, this “regeneration” that continues each and every day, that I can continue on. I will pick up the scattered parts of me and I will dry my tears, lift my head and slip back into that super hero cape I keep tucked away for times like this.
In honor of Lena, the beautiful, strong and courageous soul that went to the Rainbow Bridge today. May you run free, visit me in my thoughts and help guide me through this cold world.